Tuesday, September 27, 2011

journal entries and quotes ive kept

When I first thought about going on a mission I was 18. I remember praying, maybe in preparation to receive my Patriarchal Blessing or maybe after, as to whether or not I should serve a mission (I wish I had written in my journal back then because I don't remember!). However, for the sake of my story I'll say that I had prayed for an answer to this question before getting my Blessing and then prayed again for some sort of confirmation afterwards.
the summer before I turned 18

In my Blessing, God told me something along the lines of how I would want to serving others as a missionary and that I would be someone who could find others wanting to learn about our church - but I feel like that could be interpreted in many ways. I prayed the hardest, most sincere prayer of my life to know whether I should serve and I distinctly remember feeling like someone sucker-punched me in the gut and my heart was burning and I literally couldn't breath. That was when I knew I would most likely, probably, was maybe supposed to go on a mission ;D. Obviously, the Spirit knew and was telling my spirit; it just took a little longer for me to get the message.

Ever since that prayer I knew deep down that I would go and that Heavenly Father wanted me to go and yet I still hemmed and hawed about it (if you've ever read the book Who Stole My Cheese? you'll understand that reference) for years. I've always loved the spirit of missionaries and their smiles and the way their hearts touch the people they speak with. All my life I've just wanted to be around them all the time! It wasn't until last November, 2 years after receiving my Patriarchal Blessing, that I really opened my heart to what Heavenly Father wanted me to do. I was in a New Testament class and our individual projects were to pick something we wanted to study about from The Gospels and work on it all semester.  My FOL husband from that previous summer had just gotten home from his mission and allwwayysss talked about the Atonement. I decided that I wanted to learn more about it so my project for myself was to write in my journal every night and reflect on how I had seen the blessings of the Atonement in my day. Doing this helped me to see so many blessings and meet so many good people; it helped me to love others more, appreciate my leaders more, respect myself more, sincerely adore my roommates more and be grateful to my family more.

There were definitely times when I felt down and had no desire to think about the good stuff that happened during the day but I'm so happy I did. Not only did my grade depend on it but being focussed on Christ's eternal mission helped me realize that I needed to go on a mission. It's all I thought about, all I talked about, all I heard about, all I saw from class discussion, etc. IT WAS EVERYWHERE. If you're someone I spoke with about going on a mission last Fall then you are a huge help to getting me out into the field! So thanks =].

Pappa Scott
 Phil best friend & Dougie fresh
 Carr cousins Chad and Scott
BYUSA girls Mary, Bekah, Brittanie & Sarah
Matt - went through every stage of pre-mish and now we'll both be getting home at the same time!
Chelsea - my best friend for eternity

Jennie Rae. So much love comes from this one.

Hot Buns, Quaker Cakes & Hot Momma

My family away from my Family

Ok, back to my story. One day, during class a week or so before Thanksgiving, my New Testament teacher asked us what we were most grateful for. A lot of kids said "my moms cooking!" or "BYU football! yeaaa" or "my wife/husband", the generic answers of course. I kind of tuned out until the spirit prompted to zone back in and listen. Just when I did this a boy from the back of the room, with his humble answer, said "I'm grateful for the chance to serve a mission" and my whole world was flipped. I had that same feeling again, the one where I couldn't really move and my lungs felt stuck. While there are tons of other factors that go into my final decision this was the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak. I knew, right then and there that God was doing everything in His power to knock some sense into me and tell me to go on a mission.

I promised soon after this experience to not let Satan or his doubt get to me and that no matter what I would go on this mission. I'm so excited to go and can't wait to share with others a piece of my life I love so much. I talk to a lot of people at work about my mission. Most of our clients are retired and wonder why it's nearly October and I'm not at school. I reassure them that I'm not a bum, college drop out but that I'm serving a mission for my church and 99% of the time they're impressed. One of the guys I spoke with today was telling me about his job working in San Francisco and Oakland helping people with their work skills so they can get jobs and earn money to move away from the slums. I thought that was pretty cool and incredibly selfless of him to leave retirement to do this type of work. I told him how his job is similar to that of my mission in how we're both trying to help people become better and know there is more to the world than all the bad things that happen.

During family scripture study (we read Helaman ch 8 tonight) I found an old quote I've had in my scriptures since forever. It went along so perfectly with my conversation with the old man today that I just had to post it. It's all about why I'm going on a mission.

"The Lord works from the inside out. The world works from the outside in. The world would take people out of the slums. Christ takes the slums out of people, and then they take themselves out of the slums. The world would mold men by changing their environment. Christ changes men, who then change their environment. The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature." (Conference Report, Oct 1985)

While I think it's way good for missionaries and non-missionaries a-like to have a numerical goal of helping people change, it's important to remember that WE aren't the ones who do the changing - the Spirit does that; Christ changes them. They come to Him and He leads them home. That's what we're all about, isn't it? Jogging our way through the Finish Line of life and into our Father's arms, at last making our way Home.
October 2010 Conference with the most important people in my life

Saturday, September 24, 2011

25 before the MTC

Before going out as a family to Olive Garden for my 21st Birthday dinner! We had such a good time.

New glasses! I ordered them special because I wanted them red and plastic. If I'm going to be working a lot then I'll be tired a lot. Sometimes when I'm tired, my contacts won't stay in and I want some cute frames so my necessity can be an accessory. 

New hair! Well, new-old hair. This is my natural, muted chocolate color; the new color should help me not worry about my roots showing and save time by not coloring it and save money by not having someone do it. Missionaries are all about Saving ;D

New running shoes! Reebok Realflex. I was so excited for how cute these were and for how SO SOOOO comfortable they were that I got a little crazy with taking pictures of them haha.

The last few majors things I need to do are get a rain jacket, update my driver's license and finally, to pack.

Forget Me Not

Forget not to be patient with myself 

- God is aware that we are not perfect. He is also aware that the people we think are perfect are not. =]
- It's part of my mortal experience that I have weaknesses. He wants me to become perfect and if I stay on His path, one day, I will.
- I need to stop punishing myself for being weak and to be understanding of my own shortcomings like I am of others.
- My journey toward perfection is long but I can find wonder and delight in even the tiniest steps.

Forget not the difference between a good sacrifice and foolish sacrifice
- Every sacrifice is different to people.
- There are many good things to do but I cannot do all of them.
- Keep an eternal perspective.

Forget not to be happy now
- I need to not worry about finding a "golden ticket", it doesn't hold the key to my happiness.
- There's nothing wrong with me wanting virtuous things, but I should NOT put my happiness on hold by waiting for my golden ticket to appear! Focussing on this will only make me grumpy, angry, and upset.
- I need to see the blessings that are around me and not stress over what I lack.
- This isn't to say I should abandon hope but I shouldn't close my eyes and hearts to the simple, elegant, beautiful moments of the day.
- The happiest people are those who wildly pursue the beauty and sweetness of the everyday moments. 

Forget not the WHY of the gospel
- Sometimes I overlook the vital aspect of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
- Sometimes I see the gospel as a long list of tasks that we must somehow fit in our busy schedule.
- The Gospel is not an obligation, it is a pathway leading to happiness in this life and glorious fulfillment in the life to come.
- When I remember "why", the Gospel becomes a joy and a delight, precious and sweet.
- Let us not walk with our eyes down! Seek out the majesty, beauty and joy of the Why of the Gospel! It sanctifies our actions, transforming the mundane into magnificence.

Forget not that the Lord loves me
- I know that I have never been forgotten.
- I know that I never will be forgotten.
- I am not forgotten.
- No matter how dark my days may seem, how insignificant I feel, Heavenly Father has not forgotten me!
- I am the daughter of His kingdom.
- Even when I feel lonely and make mistakes, His love can heal any hurt and soften any sorrow
- I am closer to Heaven than I know.
- I need to treasure the gift of service, seek out and help others who need my help and the Lord's.

Remember the Forget Me Nots. Be patient and compassionate with myself. Don't wait for a "golden ticket". Always, always remember that God loves me. Be happy with who I am! Look forward to bringing joy and the Gospel message to families in the future who need Heavenly Father's love in their lives!

-- Notes from Dieter F Uchtdorf's talk in the General Relief Society Broadcast, September 24, 2011.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

El Libro de Mormon

¡Hoy es 13/9/2011 y tengo mi Libro de Mormon, Santa Biblia y himnos!

I'm not sure how to conjugate "all this stuff came today in the mail" so I'm going with that. =D

Only after I ordered my spanish scriptures did I find out that I'll get some at the MTC; rather than send them back, my sisters can use them to read in spanish during family study. They speak better spanish than I do anyway.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

love love loveeeee

things i love:
  1. my family
  2. joseph smith
  3. my non-mormon friends
  4. my mormon friends
  5. the book of mormon
  6. the book of enos 
  7. journals
  8. candid pictures
  9. pillows
  10. chap-stick
  11. air conditioning 
  12. comfy shoes
  13. long skirts
  14. the temple
  15. piano music
  16. my cousins
  17. weddings
  18. glasses
  19. sweatshirts
  20. toothbrushes
  21. hair combs
  22. teachers
  23. primary kids
  24. elders
  25. sisters
  26. old couples
  27. adventures
  28. families
  29. honesty
  30. my best friend
  31. whoever my future husband is
  32. my siblings
  33. getting my hair colored
  34. massages
  35. giving massages
  36. singing
  37. more singing
  38. the rain
  39. playing catch with my brother
  40. jamming with my sister
  41. shopping with my other sister
  42. talking with my mom
  43. venting to my dad
  44. having FHE (even when we argue haha)
  45. feel good movies
the list goes on and im sure ill think of more later...

Thursday, September 8, 2011


Unfortunately, the journals from my childhood do not take heed to 1 Nephi 6:6. They're mostly about boys.

I think that a lot of guys need to follow the example of Lehi and his kids from 1 Nephi 7:1, too.

1 Nephi 7:4 is total proof that people are 10x more attractive when they have the Spirit.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Proverbs 31: 25-26

I think it's healthy to have ups and downs. It's during those down times when you realize just how good those ups are. I'm pulling myself out of a down time and realizing that life really is a good thing. It just is! I have a beautiful family, I'm healthy and live in a safe place, I have very supportive friends and the Gospel. In the eternal scheme of things, the little stuff just is not important, you know?

Parable to life: fishing stinks. Right now, however, pre-mish and all, I am not in the mood to fish but seem to be in the middle of a school of them! Whhhyyyyy does this happen?? I'll tell you. Satan is a master at his job. He knows there is nothing better for someone my age than to be on a mission so he hits you with temptation of every kind. Even good guys are a bad thing right now.

Words of wisdom: "the one thing i always remembered and helped me the most was when my bro said " when you are at the end of your mission flying home on the plane thinking back...be able to say i have no regrets and i worked hard every single day of my mission"

This will be me. I refuse to let one day go by where I wasn't trying my hardest. Some people say to just relax and wait till the MTC to prepare but, that's dumb I think. Why would I waste my time when I have so much of it?

I am in NO WAY perfect at perfectly trying to be good. I mess up all the time. But I want to be better. I want to be a virtuous woman. I seriously want to be lovely and of good report in all things haha. So with that, I am going to end my self reflection time and close with this: Life is beautiful and not to be wasted by being a fool.

St. George Temple on the way home from school
Idaho Falls Temple wedding w/ Emily
San Diego Temple wedding w/ Sarah
Mesa Temple wedding w/ Lacey and my sister Edison